As you may know, Google is rolling out a new feature in AdWords. New, auto-generated ads! This is part of the company’s push towards “artificial” intelligence, and just as in the same way that saccharin tastes “just like” sugar, so Google’s “artificial” intelligence is just like the real thing! Except that it leaves a bad aftertaste, and might cause cancer. Here’s my commentary on Google’s email to advertisers announcing this “innovative” and “fun” new feature in AdWords: automatically generated ads:
Dear AdWords Advertiser,
We’ve found that, on average, having more ads per ad group can increase impressions and clicks. Because of this, we’re introducing a beta feature for AdWords designed to improve campaign performance by adding new variations of your existing ads to your ad groups. You’re receiving this message because your account [Customer ID: XXX-XXX-XXXX] may be invited to use this feature.
Starting after September 24, 2017, you’ll see an alert in AdWords and receive a corresponding email every time we suggest new ads. You’ll have 14 days from the notification to review them, after which the ads will be automatically enabled unless you choose to remove them.
RESPONSE: Thank you Google! So I need to watch out for alerts from you about “new” ads, and then… I must de-activate them or they will be automatically forced on my account? Thank you SOOOOO much for giving me another todo!
These ads will be created based on information you’ve provided in your existing ads, such as your headlines, descriptions, ad extensions and relevant information found on your ads’ landing page. You can edit, pause or remove ad suggestions at any point, though we recommend waiting until they have enough impressions to give you confidence in the ad group-level results.
RESPONSE:: But, wait. You mean that while I have carefully crafted my own ads, you’ll add some computer-generated mucky-mucky to them? And, because you (Google) get PAID BY THE CLICK while I MAKE MONEY BY THE CONVERSION – you’ll probably muck up the ads with phrases like “Free Download” “Free Pizza” “Free Pizza and Free Beer”? To increase the clicks (making you more money), but not necessarily the conversions (making me more money). How, oh how, do I think you Google for your totally self-serving foray into artificial intelligence? I can’t wait for self-driving cars… which will do things like… Hey Jason, you don’t really want to go home. We’re taking you to IN AND OUT BURGER as there’s a Google special there… get ready to eat, more, Jason and spend more with a nifty Google coupon! Now, sit down, buckle up, shut up, and hang on as your Google car drives you to new locations to SPEND MORE MONEY!
If you’d like to remain in the beta, you don’t need to take any action at the moment. This email does not guarantee that your account will receive ad suggestions.
RESPONSE: Of course I want to remain in the Beta! It’s going to be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can learn more about ad suggestions in the AdWords Help Center. If you’d like to opt out of automatically applying these ads, please complete this form.* After September 24, you’ll also be able to opt out in your AdWords account settings.
RESPONSE: Oh, OK, I’ll be able to opt out. So maybe this will be fun, Google, maybe. Who knows? Maybe those self-driving cars will be fun, too, especially now that you’re partnering with WalMart!
If you have any questions about ad suggestions, please contact us at any time.
RESPONSE: I have a suggestion. Less focus on self-driving cars and MORE FOCUS on fixing Google My Business, which is a TRAIN WRECK, Google. Really!
Hugs and kisses, your pal, Jason.